So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
