I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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