i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
