UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
