singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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