i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
