I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Shame - the story of my life.
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