You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
