idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
