Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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