I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
