You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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