You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
