It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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