How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
