rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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