If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
