if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
