I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
