Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
