No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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