Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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