god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
