you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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