Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
