I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
