chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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