I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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