All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
