The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
