Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
