Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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