her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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