After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
someone owes me an orgasm
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
