Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
