I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
