I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
