why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
