so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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