I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
