I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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