I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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