You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
