Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
