Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
