I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
