then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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