Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
