I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Your dad touched me again.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
