i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
