Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
