Screwed.edu
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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