woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
