Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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