foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i've created a new STD.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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