I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
