Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
