Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
