i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
